I’m just gonna be straight up honest with you, peeps- it’s been a really rough summer. It has been difficult for me to get blog posts done, and I have been absent from Facebook and Twitter and Pinterest for quite a while. Summer Newsletter- not happening. It’s just not where my head is right now.
My grandmother suffered a massive stroke on July 21. We got the call that she was comatose and that we should come and say our goodbyes, even though she wouldn’t even know we were there. While we there at the emergency room, she did wake up and I thought she recognized me, however, the doctors and physical therapists told us that people usually don’t survive a stroke of that magnitude, and that even if they did the chances of a repeat and fatal stroke are high. The next day, we were told to make hospice preparations. However, she did seem to improve a little, and so after 5 days in the hospital, she was transferred to a nursing home (something that she would HATE- I can only hope that she is not aware of the fact that she is in a “home.”) We got some conflicting reports, and although her condition seemed to be improving, but we are now told, again, that there’s really no hope of recovery. She will never walk or talk again. We don’t really know how much she is aware of- she seems to understand for a moment or two, but then it feels like she is looking right through you. Up until the stroke, she was very active, living on her own and going out on the Senior Bus to the Senior Center and shopping mall 5 days a week.
Everywhere I look, I see the evidence of her legacy and influence in my life: the old sewing machine she once owned, and the tea set, boxes of buttons, and cooking utensils that she gave me when she moved several years ago from her old house to her smaller mobile home. I see my stacks and stacks of magazines and bowls and dishes, which are testament to the slightly obsessive hoarding collecting of these things which we share.
Even though she is still with us, I know that I will never hear my grandmother’s voice again. I keep consciously making myself hear her voice in my head, so that I don’t forget what she sounds like. The in-between, the lingering between life and death, is the hardest. I don’t want her to be uncomfortable or in pain, and I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be to be aware of what’s going on but not be able to communicate. It’s hard to know what to pray for: If she is not going to recover, I just want her to pass peacefully into the arms of our Lord, and to be in heaven with my grandfather and her sisters and brother and parents who have gone before her. It is, as they say, a long goodbye.
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for Him.” Lamentations 3:22-24
Earlier this summer, there were also several hiccups and big disappointments with my business, which I won’t get into now. I am just hoping that things will work out and then this difficulty will all be part of my victorious testimony later on. I have some health issues which I have been ignoring for a long time and I really cannot ignore any longer. And, of course, my youngest daughter will be going off to college in a month, and I know that many of you know how I feel about that.
I hope I haven’t been a downer- I am actually trying to be encouraging. I don’t want pity or sympathy, but prayers would be appreciated. These are just the normal goings on in life- sometimes you are up, and sometimes you are down. It is good to have family and friends to share both the ups and downs with. I wanted to share these things with you not to get a million comments, but to let you know that no one’s life is perfect. The problem with social media is that sometimes we get a very distorted view of what people’s real lives are like- we might think that other people have lives (careers, families, etc.) that are all sunshine and roses. But the truth is that everyone has pain, everyone has disappointment. Let us hold each other up in sorrow, and rejoice in each others’ joy.
Have a good week, friends.
You and your family are in my prayers. As you say, life has its up and downs but it is unfortunate when several downs come along together. With God’s love you will remain strong through the downs and come to a more joyful time.
Oh my friend, I am SO sorry to hear about your grandmother! I lost mine in 1988 and it was absolutely devastating for me. She died of lung cancer, which of course did not happen immediately. My grandmother is the one person who supported me with love and cherishing as a child – she is the main reason I am a sane person today I believe. My heart breaks for you today and I will be praying for you as you go through this dark time. Isn’t it strange how these things often happen when our lives are already in a time of stress or change? It can seem so overwhelming!
You have been very brave and wise to choose to share your “real” life with us today. Pain shared always lessens the hurt; “getting it out” is cathartic, no doubt about it! I believe that is what blogging should be about – sharing our ups and downs, our needs and our successes – this generation’s cyber version of the Quilting Bee.
I know that you are a woman of faith in our God. He will keep you and guide you through this. You are truly talented and your business will grow as you are faithful to continue sowing seeds into it. My prayers go with you on this journey, my friend!
So sorry for all of the stress and pain in your life right now. I know it can be tough to see the other side of the valley that you are in right now, but remember that there is a way out, and that God will help you through the hard place that you are in. I am praying for you and your family.
I am so sorry to hear about your Grandma. I lost mine over 15 years ago and not a day goes by that I don’t remember her and all she has done for me. She was my lovey and I still miss her so badly that I cannot even look at the Grandmother cards at Hallmark for fear of breaking into tears. Luckily mine didn’t linger and while I can’t say for certain that it was an easy transition, at least she was not in any pain. Talk to her just as if she is able to hear and understand you and say everything that is in your heart; you will not regret it. I do know that my Grandmother’s deep faith was a comfort to her and I hope that your faith brings you through this, adding you and your family to my prayer list.
I am so sorry and I am praying for you and your family and your grandma especially… God is bigger than that stroke and God can heal if it is His will…
Hugs to you when you send your daughter goes off to college…It is one of the hardest things to do… You want your children to soar… but you also don’t want to let go either… May I suggest one thing, one thing I did each and every night was send my daughter a text message that said Sweet dreams, love you… Kim would text me back and say the same thing… We didn’t talk each day, I knew I had to let her soar, for me to hear that text coming back meant she was okay each and everyday… I am so thankful for cell phones…
Will be praying for all of you…((((HUGS))))
I completely understand how difficult things must be for your family this summer. I lost my only brother to cancer just three weeks ago He had been doing well but died suddenly of cardiac arrest. The third round of chemo had taken its toll. It has been most difficult for my elderly parents to lose their only son. What God is showing me is to have faith in His over-arching purpose. He has helped me to do that and he is fulfilling His promise never to leave or forsake us. He will be as faithful to you also. Praying for you and your family.
Sorry to hear that Jacquelynne. You take care of yourself. Sending hugs.
You and your family are in my prayers.
Sorry to hear of all your troubles. You are in my prayers.
Also, I wanted to let you know that the prize package arrived and it is wonderful! I can’t wait to play with the patterns and the fabric.
So sorry that it has been that kind of summer. Take care of yourself so you can be there for others. Even happy events can be stressors. Prayers for your grandmother and strength for your family.
This is your first post I’ve read! I will pray for you and your family. My grandmother passed away a while ago, but my sister and I were the only ones that lived semi-close to her and she had been sick for awhile and was in a hospice. We would take turns going on the weekends to spend time with her and the staff called when they thought the end was near and we made the three hour trip in the middle of the night. They told us it was really important to tell her it was ok to go, that we would be ok, etc. It was the hardest thing I have ever done! I was so torn by feeling like I was telling her to go! I just said if she was ready, we would be ok, that we loved her and she had done so much for us and we’d all be ok. Within probably 15-20 minutes she was gone.
I don’t know your situation, but my grandmother was in pain and couldn’t speak, etc and if what they told us can help someone else in a similar situation than I’m glad to share. It is a hard part of life to deal with. Also sometimes I just tell God I don’t know what to pray, but He knows! May you and your family feel His grace and compassion during this time!
Jacquelynne I am so sorry for the hard time that you are going through. When it seems like everything bad is happening at once, I know it can feel overwhelming and it is hard to realize that God is with you through your tough time.
Give your Grandmother an extra big hug, and hold your daughter close to you before she goes off to college – sometimes it is hard to say the right thing but the touch of a loved one can do amazing things….
Praying for you
I am so very very sorry. I know how hard this must be for you, hang in there…..just know that there are people out here that you have never met that truly care about you.
My prayers are with you during your time of sadness and change. Knowing that you are someone I can pray for is a blessing of social media. I will pray for peace in your heart as the future unfolds.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Take good care of yourself as you go through these trials, and know our Lord is with you on this journey.
You know that I’ve got your back, my friend….you are not a downer. You are so right; many of us only post the good, the cheerful, the best that happens. Some of us do that because we are not able to share the difficult, private things that we soldier through. You are genuine, and sincere, and your love of our Father shines through. I’ll keep praying and I hope you will continue to let me know how you are doing. Much love and warm hugs to you. :)
Thank you so much for sharing, it is brave, and real!! I will keep you and your family in my prayers!! It is not always easy to understand God’s plan, but that firm foundation of faith will hold you up!! I’ve been listening to the Laura Story song “Blessings” lately, going through some health issues too, and it brings tears and encouragement everytime!!
Know that now is when His footsteps will be the only ones in the sand because he is carrying you. Know also that your daughter will bring you so much joy as you watch her grow and mature into the strong woman you have raised her to be. This is a trying time but you will come through this darkness into a brighter light. God Bless you and your family.
So sorry to hear about your grandmother. My mother died in April from a massive stroke. She lived 3 days after the stroke. But we were told if she recovered that she would not be able to talk and doubtful if she would walk again. Praying you find God’s peace and feel his love.
So sorry to read your post, and the difficulties you are going through. We do all walk this walk with you, praying for you and your family.
I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I know what you are going through as I lost my grandmother to a stroke many years ago and she lingered for awhile. It always seems like many things hit us all at once. I will keep you and your family as well as your grandmother in my prayers.
I stumbled across your blog today (a pinterest posting chair make-over) My heart is touched by this post. I am in a similar place in my life with my auntie. You will be in my prayers as I go to shop for paint and oil cloth to cover MY hideous chairs today… Blessings to you new dear friend, I will be back…..
ps: love the quote at the bottom of this page :-)
Jacquelynne,
You are in my prayer and thoughts, as you walk through this difficult time with your family. I’m sitting in my grandmother’s chair as I write this and can only think of the oh so many blessing she gave me, what gifts they truly are to use. As you look at the sun think of her beautiful smile, and all the wonderful times you had with her will help carry you through this time, Heavenly Father is right there with you holding you up. I’ve truly missed you so much and have wondered where that beautiful girl was. Thank you for your taking time out of your life to share this with us all. Please take care of yourself my friend!!
I am so sorry to hear of your grandmother’s stroke. It must be terribly difficult to see her in this “nether” world, although I’m sure she is not in pain. We too have dealt with “long goodbyes” when my daughter’s brother-in-law was diagnosed with a brain tumor…it is indeed a heartbreaking time. But remember the good times and happy memories. How lucky you are to be surrounded by some of your grandmother’s treasures and can feel the love she leaves you! Bless you and your family. Good luck to your daughter on her new adventure in life. Remember–there are many of us in blog land who are holding you up to the Lord.
Sorry things have been difficult this summer Jacquelynne, you and your grandmother are in my prayers. I remember when my mom died 10 years ago and how hard the last month was when she didn’t know us. I hope your health will improve and your work is awesome so business will continue to grow. Hugs!